Don't Give Up When the Cavalry Doesn't Come
LISTEN ON YOUR FAVORITE PLATFORMS
Audio Transcript:
Whether you've read the book or watched the movie, you know the first rule of Fight Club. Well, today we're going to talk about the first rule of flourishing. But before that, gratitude to all of you all that are following along.
And I just, if you haven't yet, please review the podcast, give as many stars you think we deserve a comment. So if somebody stumbles upon the podcast, they know kind of what you might appreciate about it and kind of direct them.
So anyway, gratitude to those of you that have, and just a request for those that haven't yet. You may be building an organization or a team within your organization or whatever it may be.
And you may find people who buy into the vision of flourishment. They love it. They love the idea.
They love the fruits of flourishment that they see happening in your company or in your life. They love that stuff. And they're right there, saddled up.
They're ready to rock. And you're excited and you have plans. And then all of a sudden, you realize over time, oh, they can't execute or they're not executing.
So they want the benefits of flourishment, but they don't want the work that comes with it, which is again, this is the trick. Flourishment isn't a destination. People see benefits, think, oh, that's flourishment.
Well, flourishment is the work. It's all part of it. Right.
And so I think for many of us in organizations or even our own families or our communities, we get in a situation where, and if those of you that remember this movie, Braveheart, there's a moment where William Wallace, played by Mel Gibson, is in the
battlefield. And it might be in the Battle of Stirling. I can't remember which battle it is. It's been a long time since I watched the movie, but there's a whole coordinated plan with reinforcements and all this kind of stuff.
And he's down in the battlefield, and he's done everything they said they were going to do. They're about to get overrun or whatever. And he's waving the banner for his reinforcements to come.
And they're sitting up on the hill watching the cavalry, whatever it may be. And they're just watching him, and he's waving the banner, and they're not moving. And he's waving the banner, and he starts kind of getting frantic.
And then you got Mel Gibson crazy eyes going on. He's like, you can see, you can feel the treachery that's going on, and how lost he feels, and how betrayed he feels in that moment. And I don't know about you, I've had those moments many, many times.
And what happens oftentimes is you were counting on somebody who bought into the vision that you're following. And maybe, you know, Flourish w.
Vision, maybe it's just a vision for your company or a partnership, whatever you're doing in your community. And all of a sudden, maybe they're not as treacherous as those guys in the movie and all that kind of stuff.
And historically, you know, that all gets bent. But maybe they just couldn't execute or they thought they understood the mission, but they didn't or something else got interesting or distracted them or all kinds of reasons.
Doesn't always have to be this nefarious reasoning. It can be, but either way, you're left on the battlefield. There you are.
You're out there doing your thing. You're doing what you committed to do. And now the folks you were out there set to rely on, they can't deliver.
I mean, we've had that so many times in our company where we've hired folks who are here because they love what we have put together at Mountain Leverage.
And it's cool, and I don't want to overdo that, I get it, but it's a cool environment if you fit. And then when they get here, the work that actually goes into that, which is all part of it, that's hard for them.
And they end up letting us down, if you will, and letting themselves down in that way. And that's kind of a tough thing, but for you, we're talking about you for just a minute, it's difficult.
And so I think the big thing I can add to that for you, at least from my perspective, is the most dangerous thing to do in that moment, the most dangerous, is to feel like a victim.
Once you feel like a victim, you're on the battlefield, man, you're out there in it. And the moment your reinforcements don't show up, for whatever reason, good, bad, nefarious, whatever, it's almost automatic to feel victimized. It just is there.
And that is the biggest killer for me. And I don't know, maybe you're different, but I can't do that.
So I just implore you in those situations where either you're at the kitchen table having a discussion and your spouse says, I hate everything about what you stand for, that is a moment where you can feel like a victim for a minute.
And if you don't, you can back out a little bit and you go, wait a minute, there's all kinds of individual psychology going on. There's all kinds of relational psychology going on there.
There's all kinds of realities and different things and my own delusion and reality. So once you can kind of get yourself separate, if you get into a victim, man, brother, you are in a hole and it's hard to get out of.
But if you can kind of keep that separate and just take that breath, do your thing, whatever helps you keep from being a victim, that is then something you can put in perspective.
I think another thing to fight against both of these things necessarily is, is you kind of have to build your own support. You have to build your tribe, as they say.
And sometimes that whole phrase like, find your tribe, that it feels, but it's legit, right? There's science behind it, there's history behind it. We find our communities and that matters to us.
So I look at our companies, 20 years, 20 years building my tribe, if you will. And it's not been single-handedly, of course.
And the more you find folks, I guess, that do buy in to the vision and what you're trying to accomplish and are willing to put in the work, and that ebbs and flows, nobody's perfect all the time. That's not what we're asking for.
But the more strength you have, so when you do have those moments, you do have other reinforcements.
You've got archers over here, and you've got lancers, and you've got folks on the battlefield that can come and help you in those moments when, oh, the cavalry didn't come. And so, again, I think that's in business. That's certainly in your family.
The more you're having folks around you understand what you're doing, if they can buy in, whether it's kids or even extended family, whatever it is, you'll feel better about that.
You'll feel better in those moments, because those moments will come, inevitably. And maybe it's less so around family, maybe it's more around business, and even community, for that matter.
I think there is a bit of an upward cycle that happens when these things are aligned and you begin to build your tribe, and people are buying in, and they find the joy, maybe, in the work that's also part of it.
That's just a cool moment, and it's really supportive over time. I would add another piece to this. It kind of connects back to what we were talking earlier.
When you have folks in your organization who say they believe in this, they're into your mission and your vision of what the company is going to be, or the organization within a company, or whatever team you've got going on, or even your family for
that matter, you want to evaluate those contributions and just make sure your expectations aren't misaligned. So you can't fire your kids and those things, right?
I mean, you can fire your spouse, I guess, if you want, but then that gets messy and costly and all that kind of stuff. But in an organization, you can do those things, but still, either way, you want to evaluate.
And a lot of times it's okay, but it's your expectations might be misaligned. And for me, that's often the case. So I try to realign my expectations.
And oftentimes, now we're back. We're back and, okay, I now see how far they can go, what they can do, and I'm not as sideways in it. So if that makes sense, I don't know.
So I think I just wanted to kind of go through this.
You can tell I'm struggling with this episode because it is a difficult subject to talk about, but I think it exemplifies a situation we are all going to be in at some point, and probably many, many points along the way of your flourishment journey,
where folks just ain't going to dig it, right? And you want them to, or they want to be involved and they want the fruits of what they see as the outcomes, but they're not able to toe the line.
They're not able to row the boat, whatever analogy you want to use. And I think we got to face that. So I'm talking about it.
It's something I don't have a full answer to. But you know, it's funny. One of the nursery rhymes or, I guess, a fable or a story we used to read the kids when they were wee little is the Little Red Hen, right?
So if you remember the Little Red Hen, the hen finds this grain of wheat and asks, hey, you know, can you guys help me plant it? And I think it's like maybe a dog and a cat and maybe a pig or I don't think it's a horse.
This is one of the like, and they're like, not I, not I, not I. And you go around all the time, it's like, oh, well, can I, can you help me water it? It's not I, not I.
Can you help me harvest it or whatever? Can you help me all the things, bake it? Can you help me do all those things?
Not I, not I, not I. And then at the end, when the bread is getting baked and the smells wafting out of the window and out into the farm, and then all of a sudden, everybody's like, hey, I want some of this.
And at that point, the hen's like, I did it all by myself. I eat it all by myself. And we always talked about the ending a bit with our kids in terms of what does that really mean?
I mean, I'm not advocating for not letting folks share in the fruits of your flourishment.
In fact, if you've listened to this podcast for very long, you know I'm absolutely advocating for the way many people that will share in your flourishment that won't have direct contribution to it. And that's okay. I'm okay with that.
So, but I guess the nature, and the reason why I share the Little Red Hen story is the nature of that is there are many people who just won't want to be a part of the work that goes in. And ultimately, that's the way the world works. And that's okay.
I think the expectations for the Little Red Hen, or you, or me, is we need to understand that, and it's gonna happen. And I don't know. I don't know if it's okay or not.
It's okay with me. It's just part of life. But we also want to make sure we're not expecting them.
If I'm expecting somebody to bake it, or pull it out of the oven, or whatever, and they don't, and it gets burnt, then things get sideways. So for me, I don't really care at the end who all eats of it. That's great.
Let's eat and enjoy and be merry and all that stuff. But it's the process through that. And that's really the true flourishment.
The outcomes are just from that. And if you want to share in those, great. And you don't want to be a part of it, great.
But I just want to know. I need to know. And then I need to put myself in the right mind if you're not a contributor.
So, man, I don't know if any of this makes sense to y'all. I hope it's helpful. I know, again, this has been a difficult discussion for me because it is a personal thing, and I've dealt with that a lot in life.
And I think we all have. And we're cutting the quick. We're getting the stuff that's real and not so easily sorted.
But I do think when we look at this, if by building your tribe, by managing your expectations, avoiding victimhood, oh my gosh, that's so killer, I think you can kind of get through this.
And you'll see it's almost like The Matrix, how many movie references can make in one podcast, but it's almost like The Matrix, when Neo finally sees the world in code, it's almost like that. And it unlocks a whole different game.
And so now you can play the Flourishment game, and not the game of scarcity, which is often played in the world. You aren't playing the game of victimhood, where I could have mine because if I don't, I lose. And it becomes a different game.
And it's the game I've enjoyed playing more. And hey, I'm not saying I don't sometimes fall in the other game and I'm struggling and I'm bitter and I'm frustrated and all these things, it happens to all of us.
But the more I could play the game behind the game, the more I'm flourishing. So anyway, hey, I hope this is valuable to you.
If you have anyone in your life that you see that is contributing and is a part of baking the bread for the Little Red Hen, I'd love for you to share this with them. If it's helpful to them, whatever.
And if you know anybody who might benefit from our podcast, what we're doing. And I'd love to hear from you. If you have questions, our Q&A episodes have been pretty popular.
And so if you've got questions, send them to us at flourishingatreneman.com, and we'll be happy to grab those. Maybe you'll hear it on a future episode. So at this point, hope this is helpful to you.
My suffering hopefully is not in vain by trying to convey these things. And if you like it again, review us, let us know how it goes. And if you have any ideas for future podcasts, I'd love to hear that too.
So wherever you may be in this world, whether you're baking bread or you're building a company or raising a family or trying to help a community, whatever it may be, I hope it is that you are flourishing.
Alex Reneman is the founder of Mountain Leverage and Unleash Tygart and host of Flourishing w/ Alex Reneman. For 20+ years he has worked as CEO of Mountain Leverage, honing the concept of flourishing and experimenting with it in the business. In July of 2024, he decided to begin to share this idea with others, which led to his podcast, social content, and the plans for other initiatives in the future.
