Taking Things For Granted
Audio Transcript:
If you've been following along with us for a while, you'll know that trying new things is part of what we're trying to do here. We want to make sure this is a value to you in your walk for flourishment, and, you know, of high value.
And so today's no different. Well, it's no different in terms of a trend, it's a little bit different in terms of what the podcast will be.
So the first, you know, you'll still have, when I'm done here rambling, you're gonna have just a regular podcast, typically me just talking about some things I'm struggling with or challenged with, or things I've seen, whatever it may be, on my
flourishment journey. But then I'll come back on and kind of recap it with what I plan to do about it this week. And I'm asking you, if you want to join me, dig in.
Maybe you want to be challenged with those same things, or maybe you've got other ideas or things you want to take on and to try to solve this flourishment challenge that I'm up against this week. So hopefully this is cool.
If it's valuable to you, I'd love to hear one way or the other, good, bad, or ugly, to let us know what is valuable to you in this new model. We'll try this a bit, and if it's great, we'll keep going.
And we'll iterate from there, and if not, we'll go on to something else. So anyway, thank you all, and hopefully you enjoy today's episode.
Misunderstood Sayings and Taking Things for Granted
Did you ever hear anyone say, or maybe you yourself say these things, where there's an idiom or a saying that gets kind of misconstrued or miscommunicated from someone, and all of a sudden people are saying it the wrong way?
For instance, like for all intensive purposes, it's all of all intents and purposes, right? It's not about being heavy or deep. You know, nip it in the butt, one of my favorites, right?
It's nip it in the bud, like a gardening term, right? You're nipping it in the bud. The mute point, it's moot, M-O-O-T, right?
And then one of my favorites is when people say, I want to flush out the details of this. I'm like, well, why would we do that? We need to keep them.
We're not going to flush them out. We need to flush them out. Now, I'm not being pretentious about it.
Yeah, I get it. We all do it. We all say it.
But one of the things that one of the sayings that reminds me of what I want to talk about today is taking things for granted, not the stone, taking things for granted as if it's offered to you and if it's a guarantee and you always have it.
Taking Basic Necessities for Granted
And I took, I take, we all, it's human nature, I think. The novelty is interesting to us. It's part of our survival mechanism, I guess.
And so when things are kind of ongoing, the same, we begin to take them for granted as it's always going to be there. And one of the things that's so easy to do that for is our basic utilities.
This past week, we had here in my little small town, a water outage. And so the water was out for several days. And honestly, they're still working on it.
They're still, they're still, it's up and down. I think it might even be out right now. And so you want to quickly find yourself in the middle of a long ways away from what you feel is like civilization is turn the water off for a few days.
And so just now I heard the water kick on. How crazy is that? But anyway, this is one of those things where it's so easy to take it for granted.
And by the way, my hats off to all of the organizations and the systems that run all the time. And mostly, of course, mostly the people who make sure these things come to us on a daily basis.
And when they don't, they're out there scrambling, and they're losing sleep, and they're having a rough time, and they're under pressure, and they know what it's like, and they want to get it done.
But with all the noise at the national level or politics, or whatever else, there's a lot of people across this nation, across this world that really work hard and take pride in their work to bring us the sustenance we need, whether it's in a utility
or some other offering, whatever it is. So thank you. My heart goes out, and my thanks go out to all of you.
Taking Feedback for Granted
But we take those things for granted until they're gone.
And immediately, we realize it. I took another thing for granted that it occurred to me this week that I think, oh, this might be a good thing to talk to you guys about. I don't have exactly the answer for how I'm going to address it.
This has been a constant struggle for me. So I thought, hey, here we go. In the honor of authenticity and all that is part of what we're trying to do here, let me just share with you what's happening.
I'm asked many times, my role begs me to basically give feedback. That's part of my role. People look for that.
As the CEO, there is a feedback loop that you, your job demands that of you. And so I've tried to create a company where our culture is such, where people will want that feedback and seek that feedback.
And also, we've got lots of things built in, whether it's an after action review, which I pulled from the military in my days there, or it's all kinds of ways where we're constantly refining and being in that learning organization and iteration and,
oh, we didn't do well, what can we do better? And all of that. So it's lots of threads throughout our culture of making sure we have this constant feedback cycle.
In addition to that, I think I'm pretty straightforward folks, and I'm honest with them, and I've created relationships with them where I have a warmth and they know I love them.
And so when I share with them that feedback, I mean, most people don't love it right off the bat. I get it. Who loves to hear, you know, your baby's ugly kind of thing, right?
But most people, and certainly the people in our culture here, will soon appreciate. Some of them right off the bat, but some won't, that's okay. But I think, generally, we've done all that here.
And so I feel like we're in good spaces for that. Now, at home, it's very different. I'll get to that in a minute.
But at work, I've been able to build this culture. We have built this culture in a way that, you know, feedback is a key part. It's a critical part of our championship and help us to be successful.
So to my surprise, I find that I don't think I'm giving great feedback. I think it's not the topic of the feedback or the style of the feedback, maybe the style part of it.
But I find I'll have a conversation with someone and give them what I think is clear feedback. And we have a phrase here, and I think I've talked about on this podcast, a phrase called compassionate candor.
And it's kind of a ripoff of the book written several years ago. Well, I may pull it in. But anyway, it's radical candor.
That's the one, radical candor. So there's a book written several years ago called Radical Candor. And look, no shade to the author.
I think it's a great read. Lots of people read it. But I think there's an unintended consequence with that book is oftentimes it gave people an excuse to be cruel.
And I didn't really like that. I mean, we all need good feedback. And sometimes we need somebody to be harsh with.
I get that. I'm fine. But it felt like it was too much of a license to just be nasty to each other.
And I didn't like that. So I like that compassionate piece of that, because truly to be compassionate, I think, is to be candid with one another. If we're living a lie, that's not really compassionate.
If you're not telling someone, good friends tell each other things that they need to hear. And so I think there is a compassionate there. So we use that phraseology, compassionate candor.
And again, all the systems we've built up there.
Where I’ve Been Falling Short
But I've realized recently, I don't have a conversation with somebody where I think I'm giving them great feedback. I think I'm being very clear.
And I look back over and I think, objectively, that was clear. But if somebody were to talk to them right afterwards and say, what do you think? And they would say, well, Alex thinks I'm doing a great job.
Everything's great, because I'm so... I love their spirit. I might love their work ethic.
I might love them. I love all these things. But yet, I try to shroud all of that with all this love, that I miss the piece that...
Maybe they miss the piece that, hey, but can you improve here? Now, I'm not saying everybody. Most, many, many, many of our folks get it.
But it's my responsibility to make sure I'm communicating super clearly. And I guess I was taking for granted that folks were hearing everything I was saying. And so, I really haven't been as effective as I want to be.
So, I want to improve that, for sure.
The Consequences of Not Giving Feedback
But there's another piece here that I think is super interesting. So, let's say you don't give that initial feedback.
Somebody does something and you don't share it. Well, what happens? Well, maybe fine.
It never repeats itself. No big deal. It was just a one-off.
It's fine. It's good. Everything's fine.
Maybe that person is self-aware enough that they saw their own shortcomings and they meddled with their own model and fixed it.
But what happens more often than not is that person doesn't see that shortcoming or that failure or whatever it is, and it repeats itself. Then you see it again. And now your face, okay, so do you give some feedback?
And now it's about a couple of times, so maybe it's time to give feedback. But if you don't, then what happens again? Well, then it happens again and again and again until it becomes a thing.
And because it's, you know, you're in an organization, someone makes that mistake, they make it multiple times. Other people are being affected by that as well, whether it's customers or partners or employees or whatever it is.
And so now it's a thing across multiple people, across your organization. So now this employee has been left out there with a thing. And it's got, you know, it's almost like having a scarlet letter kind of on your chest.
Everybody else knows it. They're looking at you. And it's just, it's a rough spot.
And so I guess I felt, I kind of think I have a responsibility in an organization. I think we all do.
And I'm going to feel it is mine, certainly in my role, but just being a part of any organization, I feel responsibility to make sure I'm communicating things sooner so it doesn't get to that point.
Feedback at Home
And then you take that home.
I don't know, you know, those of your parents, I'd be interested in your experience, but if you let things linger without some kind of correction, almost children can begin to believe that they're deficient, and this is like a lifelong sentence for
them, they'll always be in or whatever else, and I'll take something just super easy, clumsy, right? They'll always be clumsy. Well, no, that's not the case.
They're growing and things are changing, but they could be more careful while they're growing, and they can be more thoughtful about their movements and different things. So it's just one example, small, simple example. I want them to not have that.
If I don't want to address that, hey, you might want to be careful with your footfalls because your leg's longer today when you grow, because you're growing six inches a year kind of thing. Who knows what whatever the situation is.
And so I think it's important so they don't think they're broken or they're bad ultimately. It's just there's something that needs adjusted.
My Challenge This Week
And so I guess my challenge this coming week, and I can share more detail as I come through this and think about it, is I want to be someone who can deliver that compassionate candor to the people I love, whether that's people I work with or the
people at home. And that's not easy. My wife never wants to hear any feedback from me in that regard. It's just whatever.
My kids, they're in that weird age where they largely can be appreciative of it at times. They just don't want to hear it. They just don't want to hear it.
And folks, the company, I just don't want to crush them. I don't want to feel like the boss is saying things. That's not our culture here at all, but there's still a human nature component to that.
But I also don't want them to hear everything's hunky-dory, and we're all fine, and not really hear the message that I want, that compassionate candor message that I want them to hear. So that's my challenge ahead. I don't know exactly.
I'm going to solve them.
What I’ll Do This Week
Here’s what I’ve decided:
At the beginning of each day, I will ask myself:
Who needs to hear feedback from me today?
At the end of the day, I will ask myself three questions:
Who did I give feedback to?
Who should I have given feedback to?
How can I improve tomorrow?
That’s it.
Super simple.
No overanalyzing, no overcomplicating.
Final Thoughts
Follow along with me.
I’d love to hear how it’s working for you.
Or other strategies you’re using to be a better contributor to the feedback loop for the people in your world who love you and work with you.
All we can do here is give it a try and see where it goes.
With that said—
I hope, wherever you may be, you’re flourishing.
Alex Reneman is the founder of Mountain Leverage and Unleash Tygart and host of Flourishing w/ Alex Reneman. For 20+ years he has worked as CEO of Mountain Leverage, honing the concept of flourishing and experimenting with it in the business. In July of 2024, he decided to begin to share this idea with others, which led to his podcast, social content, and the plans for other initiatives in the future.
