Weekly Q&A: Providing Clearer Feedback, Balancing Positivity with Constructive Criticism, and more!
Audio Transcript:
So it looks like this week's challenge on feedback is one that's challenging.
For many of you, in fact, we got a lot of questions that we've curated into a few, a little Q&A session here that might be of help to many of you as you're trying to go through this challenge.
First one up is, can you share an example of a time when you realize your feedback wasn't as clear as you thought it was? How did you find out? What was the situation?
How did you handle it?
Well, I think it's probably natural to assume when you give feedback to someone the next, when you know, if you see them behaving a certain way and they're not behaving in how you gave them feedback, well, maybe they didn't get your feedback.
That's possible, but it could be they just, they aren't able to execute on it. Maybe they did hear you and it was good feedback. So that's not great.
Also, even when you talk to somebody in the future and they maybe they don't recall the feedback or anything like that, again, that might be they just didn't remember it or whatever.
I mean, their own situation doesn't mean that you didn't give great feedback. And so I think those are hard. All those could be indicators, of course.
But one of the ones where I typically find when it happens a few times in a row within a short period of time, I realize my feedback process might not be as effective. And all things slide, it's entropy, right? Everything's breaking down.
And sometimes your feedback approach slides because your focus on other things. So when I typically start to see that is when I will have just given somebody feedback and maybe somebody else on the team also is giving that person feedback.
And what can happen is, let's say I'm talking to somebody about something, I give them constructive feedback on some topic, and then maybe the next day or a couple of days later, Julie, our people in culture who meets with people regularly and has
these discussions, gets, hears from that individual, and they basically come to her and she might be giving them the same kind of feedback. And they come to her and say, well, I just talked with Alex and he said, everything's cool and everything's
fine, and nothing's wrong and I'm killing it and all these things. And after that happens a couple of times, I'm like, okay, that was me, not them. I didn't give the right feedback.
If it's the same individual, it's like, that person may be impervious to feedback, might be a challenge. So for me, that's how I can really dial in and go, whoop, okay, I've got to really look at my feedback. So hopefully that's helpful to you.
Next question is, how will you adjust your strategy if you find that some team members still aren't receiving or acting on your feedback as attended? Yeah, this one's tricky.
So this one's where it's going to get weird because our culture here is probably very different than your culture and your organization, whether it be in the community or a private company or certainly the family. This is where I lean on culture.
And maybe there's an actual time we should talk about this on the podcast, but I don't honestly, I guess in some cases, I'm not anybody's direct manager.
So I don't give feedback on a Tuesday and then have you report back to me on a Friday to make sure you've done these things. I offer you this feedback. It is for you to take.
It's your task to take that and execute. It's your prerogative if you want to do that. And then I rely on the culture here where it's kind of kind of an immune system.
And if you're not the kind of person that can take feedback and implement it, you're going to get exposed, normally pretty quickly. Sometimes folks can make it through for a while.
But generally, you're going to end up feeling exposed, feeling uncomfortable. Others are going to notice. And so maybe it's irresponsible for me, but it's a different approach.
I mean, I would rather spend my time focused on building a culture that enables people to flourish than running around and micromanaging people. So I give feedback, and then as it happens, it happens.
And so then I let the culture and the championship of our team kind of handle that out. Not that I don't follow back up.
In there are moments, of course, when there's some real specific feedback that needs to be given, and we're in kind of a more serious situation, certainly there's follow up and such. But generally, it kind of plays out through our culture.
I know that's not necessarily a satisfying answer if you don't have control over your total organizational culture.
But as a leader in any organization, you certainly have some control over your team culture, if you're there, and if you're an individual contributor, you certainly have control of your own process. But it's tough. I get it.
It's not super satisfying for many of you probably. Let's see. Next question.
How do you balance the need for positive reinforcement with the necessity of constructive criticism when giving feedback? Yeah, that's a tough one. This is one I think I mentioned in the opening podcast.
For me, I like to be so positive with people because I think you spend too much time talking about the negative. That's where everybody's attention goes, and where your attention goes, the energy flows.
And so it reminds me, I think it was Tom Landry, maybe, a football coach for Dallas Cowboys back in the day. And I could be getting this wrong, so don't skewer me Cowboys fans if I am, or whoever this team actually did this thing.
But he would only show players their good plays, as opposed to showing, hey, here's how you missed this block, or here's how you did this wrong thing. He would show them the good plays.
I'm not fully into that process, but the idea was showing, here's what you're doing really well, and it would further put their mindset on doing well, and it would grow. And so different philosophies, that's fine.
So I tend to really focus on what they can do well, but I'm fully aware, sometimes you just have to basically point out that, hey, this is an area where we can do better. And so I try to do that, where I've got the positive reinforcement going on.
But sometimes you say, hey, guys, we failed. We just failed here. We got to move on.
What can we do different? And so creating that culture helps not make that so stark.
But there are individuals who are going to carry, you know, if you are ready to say anything other than, you know, you are just absolutely shooting rainbows out of your, you know, whatever, then they're going to be broken by it.
So it just is what it is. Most folks don't survive long at mountain leverage. So I guess I balance it again.
Boy, this feels like I'm taking an easy pass a little bit. But I balance that again by making sure I've created a culture here that embraces constructive criticism. And that way I can be super positive, but also can be pretty straight with folks.
And I really try to do that. But that's what happens when I talk about that entropy. Over time, sometimes I can get too focused on the positive, and that's when things start missing.
So this is a really great question, and I don't have a super great answer, other than it's being deliberate. I mean, I think it's just making sure, did I get my message across? Does the person understand?
Did they receive it? It's just kind of that basic communication kind of stuff. OK, just a couple more here.
What is the one mistake you used to make when giving feedback that you've since improved? Boy, that is a good one. I think, for me, when I'm giving someone feedback, traditionally, I always felt so bad.
I get caught up in the moment because I liked the person, and maybe we get talking about things, and I would just pussyfoot around, just bounce around it, never really call it out.
And even they may even know the conversation is going to arrive at this topic at some point. And you're beating around the bush, they're beating around the bush, it's uncomfortable.
I have learned, one of the things that I think has really helped is I open right up. I mean, I get right into it. Of course, I mean, there's always room for pleasantries and all that, but I get right to it.
If I've got people who can say, hey, I've got something that's probably not fun to talk about, but we've got a problem here, let's talk about it.
It just sets the tone, and then you can have a real discussion about it, and it may be uncomfortable, but that's when you can get the warmth and all that after that. Let's just get it out there.
If it's, if you have it, and I know the whole sandwich technique, right? Be kind to somebody, offer them feedback, be kind again.
I get all that, and I know that's some psychological tricks and things in leadership, and there's probably validity to it.
But for me, the sooner I can get that out there and just be straight up with someone, the better, because then it gives us a chance to, okay, now do we pick up the pieces? Are you going to throw a fit? Am I wrong?
Or you, you know, what is it? Let's get it out and start being constructive. So for me, it's about getting the feedback out there and being constructive as soon as possible.
Last question here. How do you adjust your feedback approach based on the person receiving it? Yeah, I mean, that's this is the magic of leadership, right?
I think you got to know, you know, it was a daycare. Who didn't know thyself? I'm not sure.
But, you know, this is it's also no, no, the person you're talking to you. Yeah, that's there's not a blanket answer there, but I definitely do. I definitely adjust feedback based on individuals.
Some people prefer feedback to be written or direct or sometimes just how you deliver it. It's just all very different. It really is.
So I guess, and I guess that is really, when you boil down feedback for me, it all comes down to one thing.
And when I forget that thing, you guys are going to hate this at the end, but when I forget that one thing, that's when I get all twisted up and I'm cycling through different strategies and techniques and all this kind of stuff, and I start making it
way harder than what it is. But if I boil all of this down to one thing, which is my desire for you is for you to flourish. I know. I know.
It sounds like I'm pandering, but I'm not. I mean, really, when it comes down to I want you to flourish, so I need to do the things that you need for me to help you flourish. And that means feedback.
So sometimes that feedback is, you know, not easy to hear or not easy to say. I'm doing it on behalf of your flourishment. Now, again, that's not an excuse to be cruel to anybody because they don't flourish.
If you're being cruel to somebody, that's not flourishing. But to be honest with someone, that's helping them flourish. And so I guess that's it.
I mean, you can dance around lots of things. There are techniques that help, certainly, and I don't want to belittle any of those. But ultimately, for me, it's foundational.
If I start with, I want to make sure I'm doing my part. Now, it's your responsibility to find your path for flourishment and stay on it and all that. Of course.
But if I can do my part as your champion to help you flourish, then I'm going to do that.
And so when there's tough conversations that have to happen in a business or in family or wherever, when Flourish is the foundation for that, and it's the closest that I am to that, however close I can get to that desire for your flourishment, the
better my feedback is going to be. So that's it for that. Q&A, I hope your week is going well. I hope this challenge is interesting to you.
I know many of you are enjoying it. It is a challenge for me.
I had six one-on-ones today, but again, this is my People Week, so I already had this scheduled, and I already had this going, and had some really good, and some enriching conversations, some difficult conversations, but not all of them.
Some of them were just catching up, that kind of thing. It wasn't real constructive feedback needed, but it was a good day. And so as I rate my day today, did all right.
I did good. I've got some things I want to improve for tomorrow, and we'll talk about that then. But day two in the books for this, and hopefully you enjoyed the Q&A.
If more come in, we'll address those as they come in. So thanks, everyone. And as always, I hope wherever you may be, you are flourishing.
Alex Reneman is the founder of Mountain Leverage and Unleash Tygart and host of Flourishing w/ Alex Reneman. For 20+ years he has worked as CEO of Mountain Leverage, honing the concept of flourishing and experimenting with it in the business. In July of 2024, he decided to begin to share this idea with others, which led to his podcast, social content, and the plans for other initiatives in the future.
